The holidays are a busy time filled with family, friends, love, and laughter. Everyone looks forward
to the holiday season, right? Well, that’s not always true. Many people struggle through the holidays and experience holiday stress. Perhaps they’re dealing with illness, maybe families are far away, maybe they’ve lost someone, and it’s their first holiday without them.
If you’re a caregiver, you know there are no holidays from caregiving. Whether it’s a chronic illness, dementia, or both, needs are the same on a holiday as they are any other day, so care continues. If the one you’re caring for has dementia, holiday stress may impact you. The decorations are lovely, but they can be disorienting or confusing to someone with cognitive issues.
Caring for a loved one at home is a full-time, 24/7 job. Even if you have help, the primary caregiver is always on call and holidays are no exception. Often, the rest of the family turns a blind eye to the caregiver’s needs. That’s not always the intention, but it is often the result. It’s like how a child thinks about their parents – they don’t think about all the work they do, they just know everything is done; it’s the same mindset lots of people have about their family caregivers. So, just like your parents did, every now and then, a caregiver must demand help.
If you are a caregiver, let your family members know what they can do to help make the holidays smoother. Assign small tasks to free up some personal time. Maybe they can help your loved one sign Christmas cards, wrap presents, or decorate the tree. Maybe it’s looking through pictures or just sitting and discussing past holidays. And, if you are a family member, don’t wait for the caregiver to ask for help – step up and offer; you’ll be surprised by how much that means to your caregiver.
Remember, chronic illness and dementia are progressive, so things change frequently. What worked last year may not work this year. Here are a few tips that may help with holiday stress:
• Planning is essential to success. The earlier you start, the better off you’ll be.
• Keep your loved as involved as possible. Maybe they can help with decorating, baking cookies, or even deciding on holiday plans.
• Always have an exit strategy! You don’t want to be somewhere when your loved one with dementia has come apart with no way to get them back to their comfort zone. So, if you’re not going to be at home, know in advance where your quiet space will be. It’s also a good idea to be sure other guests are aware of your loved one’s needs and limitations.
Be sure guests know your loved one may not remember their name or may not always answer appropriately. Be sure to encourage guests to talk with your loved one – it may not be quite the same but that’s okay – the point is keeping your loved one involved in the festivities. It’s also a good idea to have a backup person, too, in case your loved one gets tired of you!
If you’re loved one is in a facility, take the time to acknowledge the staff for the care they give your loved one. Take them a treat. It’s the holidays, so everyone brings cookies and popcorn. If that doesn’t suit you, maybe you could send pizza or some barbeque, or give
thank you cards to the staff. Remember, the staff at the facility is with your loved one on the holidays, not their own, and that deserves a heartfelt thank you.
If you’ve lost a loved one, the holidays may be filled with potholes. It’s hard to celebrate a holiday when you are grieving, especially that first holiday without your loved one beside you. Sometimes, the grief comes out as anger; that’s a normal reaction, but lots of us try to deny our anger and even our grief. We’re a “toughen up” kind of society. You’re given all kinds of room to grieve a week or so after the death of a loved one, but go much longer than that, and people start to wonder when you’re going to snap out of it. The holidays can put a spotlight on grief, hitting all the memories of past holidays.
Lastly, don’t forget to breathe. Don’t let holiday stress or sadness rule the day. Take time to look around during the holidays, see the people, see the things in your world and give thanks for each one.
Happy Holidays!
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