While drafting a living will, or healthcare proxy, is one of the first steps in planning for aging, it is equally important to communicate your decisions with your loved ones. Open conversations about your wishes can help your family members understand your values and reduce anxiety or confusion in moments of crisis. This blog will guide you through why and how to share your advanced directives with your family, to help make sure that decisions about your life and health are carried out in the way you wish.
Why It’s Important to Share Your Advanced Directives with Family
Having legal documents like a living will or healthcare proxy is not enough if your family is unaware of their contents or the reasoning behind your choices. Sharing your advanced directives with family helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures your decisions are honored. It also gives your loved ones the confidence to act on your behalf, knowing they are following your wishes rather than making difficult guesses. This conversation fosters clarity, minimizes potential disputes, and prepares your family for moments when they may need to advocate for you. The more thoroughly you communicate, the easier it will be for everyone to respect your wishes.
Starting the Conversation About Advanced Directives
There’s no “right” way to start. Nor is there a “right” time. Bringing up the topic of advanced directives can feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. A good way to start is by explaining why you’ve created these documents and emphasizing the peace of mind they bring to everyone involved. You might say something like, “I want to make things easier for you if something unexpected happens.”
Or, say something like: “Do you remember what happened to so-and-so and what his family went through? I don’t want you to have to go through that with me. That’s why I want to talk about this now while we can.”
Sharing your advanced directives with your family is about providing clarity and avoiding the stress of uncertainty during challenging times.
If resistance arises, remain patient and persistent. Some may feel uncomfortable discussing end-of-life care or serious medical decisions. Explain that these discussions are about living well and respecting your choices, not just planning for emergencies. Reassure them that having these conversations now avoids confusion later.
Practical Steps to Share Your Advanced Directives with Family
Once you decide to share your advanced directives with your family, consider the logistics. Start by choosing a comfortable and private setting where everyone can engage openly. Present your healthcare proxy or living will, and explain your reasons for each decision. Sharing your advanced directives with family should also involve explaining how to access these documents, ensuring everyone knows where they are stored and how to use them when needed.
Be sure to name your healthcare proxy clearly and discuss their role. If you’ve chosen one family member as your proxy, make sure others understand and respect this decision. Explain that the proxy’s responsibility is to follow your stated wishes, not to make choices based on their personal opinions.
Keeping the Conversation Ongoing
Sharing your advanced directives with family isn’t a one-time event. Life circumstances and medical conditions change, and so might your preferences. Revisit the conversation periodically—before major life events, during family gatherings, or after any significant health changes. Keeping the lines of communication open ensures everyone stays informed and aligned.
By taking the time to share your advanced directives with family, you not only protect your wishes but also provide your loved ones with guidance and assurance during uncertain times. This proactive step is one of the most meaningful ways to care for those you love while ensuring your values are honored.
At Johnson McGinnis Elder Care Law & Estate Planning, we understand how difficult it can be for families to have this discussion. To help, we’ve put together a booklet that provides insight, guidance, and even places to note your preferences and make these tough decisions easier for your loved ones. Download your free copy of Do You Know My Wishes? here.
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