For years I’ve been writing articles, doing podcasts, and webinars about caregiving, and have
been walking the caregiver walk with my dad. My father died not too long ago, and I realized I never gave much thought to what happens in life after caregiving when the caregiving journey ends. I know I talked with former caregivers about filling their time with past hobbies, renewing friendships, and readjusting their focus back to themselves and their families, but I never really understood what that meant or how all that “free time” can impact your emotional well-being. But, as my father and mother taught me, experience is the best teacher.
Every weekend for the past several years was spent with my father. When he was at home, I helped him with his medications, kept up with his caregivers when he had them, and took care of anything else that came up. He moved into a facility a few years ago, changing my caregiving duties to working with the staff on care concerns, making sure he had all the snacks and things he wanted, making sure all his bills were paid, and keeping up with his finances. I attended care plan meetings and constantly worked with the staff to foster a good relationship and partnership with them, so my dad always got good care, and my siblings, who both live out of state and I didn’t constantly worry.
Perhaps it’s the same for everyone, but I never realized how much time, effort, and energy I devoted to my dad until he was gone. I spent every Saturday with my dad. I cooked for him in his room, making things he liked – waffles with good maple syrup was his favorite. We read, watched TV, talked about sports, books, current events, family, and friends – just like we always did. His only expectation of me, aside from keeping him stocked with the right kind of pretzels and Oreos, was to be with him.
I never begrudged the time devoted to my dad, except the driving which I do not miss at all. I know there were times when I didn’t get to do this or that because of my obligation, and I know some of these times I complained – not about the time spent with my dad, but about the things I wasn’t able to do. Fast forward to now; here I am, every Saturday free and all I really want to do is spend another day with my dad.
So, how do caregivers move forward when their caregiving duties end? I don’t really know, but I think it’s the same as how they started their journey – one day at a time.
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